Latest News From The CDC

Many people are somewhat familiar with the CDC in its official capacity as the Center for Disease Control and that is a very important aspect of it, but there’s another, less-well-known side to the CDC: the Chicago Didjeridu Chorus.

There are 26 letters in the Roman alphabet that the speakers and writers of many modern languages use for the spellings of words.  The total number of possible 3-letter combinations is 26×26×26 or 26-cubed (or to the third power).  It’s really just a matter of time and random chance before two unaffiliated groups choose the same 3-letter combination as the short version of their separate titles.

I have no official affiliation with the Center for Disease Control, but I am a drummer/percussionist/flutist/jaw-harper/puppeteer/singer/humorist with the Chicago Didjeridu Chorus.

Wikipedia is welcome to copy and use this blog as a disambiguation page.

CDC does a few shows per year–mostly for charity fund-raisers, but at least one just for nyuks–and in between shows, we meet at an acupuncture clinic (after hours) for “practice.”

In between these “clinic sessions” we converse through email.  The following is a thread of excerpts from some of those conversations, mostly consiting of messages from Tim, the founder and leader of the Chorus, Dan, who traditionally plays a large Indonesian gong in non-traditional ways and me, Bob. Since we each use several different pseudonyms to sign these messages (and other official documents) I will transpose the messages here in a color-coded scheme so you can tell who is who.

Tim’s messages will be in red.  

Dan’s in blue.

Bob in green.

Messages from Kim, Catherine and Dragan will be in the normal color that the other letters of this blog are in, probably white against the “cool” black background. I hope theyll all show up as planned.

Hey y’all, How’s Toysday da 17th look witch y’all? Eh? C’mon? Whaaaaa? Honkarelli

Toysday, Toysday, Toysday!!!!!!!!  YYYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!  Oh yeah der ya sure.  A great ting it is ta be havin’.   Otherwise said, I can be there. Kim

I see Timmy and Kimmie and Bobby for a Toysday jammie…count me as in. I mean in as in in, as in I am in on being in.  Who else is in with the rompers romping in the room of romping? Count in Cathy Lou! yeeeeeeeeeeeeee-haw!

Good for me, see yah then….jet lag kicked ass… Dragan

Just to check, Bob. Are you saying that we must come in our jammies? 

 

Is that what I said?  Hm!  Mine are covered in cat fur and missing a button on the trap-door.

  How ’bout we do “come as you were just after you dressed to go to a clinic session.”

That or gorilla suits.

 

 

 

 

 

My jammies have little penquins all over them.  Well, really just pictures of them not real

penquins ’cause like there’s like over 50 individual pictures and if those were real penguins,

well there’d be no place for them all over my jammies and I wouldn’t be able to see or even

wear them if they were real penguins ’cause real penguins are kinda large or at least too large

to fit on flannel pants.

 

Just tryin’ to clarify here.

 

Kim

 

My jammies are plastered with pictures of everyone in the Chorus. We’re not sure where they

came from but we believe that Tim had something to do with it.

Dan

Contrary to the suggested notion, Jammies are not the domain of el Honko. Si, el Honko has

been known to partake in foolery, goofatology, clownitations and what have you, but eet izz

not el’s domain to plaster imagery uponst alleged “jammies”. This would be in the forbidden

category of jamplasterization-photographia, an activity that el Honko has no experience.

However, this is not to say that el Honko would refrain from other foolery or whatnot.Me are hoping deez clarifying all of wuzzabowdits, Anonymous spokesman for el Honko 

 

 

Well, if they aren’t official El Honko jammies, I’m not going to order a pair. 

Or is it a set?

Suit of jammies, whatever..all I know is, I insist on the proven, field-tested quality,

durability and value that can only come with genuine CDC approved El Honko Jammies.

I mean, what if I had to shoot an elephant in my jammies?  Not that I would unless I really

had to, you know, only if it was one of those him-or-me situations like you see in

action movies and even then I’d be like “Give it up, elephant. It doesn’t have to be like this.

You can drop your weapon and we can both walk away, even if YOU will be walking to…some kind

of home for wayward elephants while I walk away in the cool confidence of my official

CDC approved El Honko Jammies.”

But none of that is going to happen, thanks to the intelligence report I’ve just received

alerting me that El Honko Jammies do not, in fact, exist.

That we know of…

Perfesser B 

 

Perfesser B.

  I have eighteen questions for you.

 

 

 

 

According to my calculations, there are exactly eighteen questions here,

but only if I round it off to the nearest whole number.  My fact-filled and

definitive answers are below, in vibrant yellow.   

Perfesser B.

  I have eighteen questions for you.

Yes, you do.

 

First – What is an elephant doing in your jammies?

Just waiting for the bus like everyone else in there.

 

C - How did he or she get there, huh?

Route 17a.

 

Fourth – Official El Honko Jammies do exist and in fact I saw an elephant wearing a pair just the other day.

The fit was perfect. El Honko really knows how to measure an elephant.

That really IS an accomplishment! Elephants fidget.

 

Eight – If you have to shoot an elephant, don’t fire until you see the whites of his or her eyes.

I can go one better: I’ll not only not fire– I’ll be completely unprepared to fire! You see, I don’t own our have

access to anything that fires.  If I can’t scare it away with strange noises, I have a new guest at my campground.

  The only thing I can do at that point is make more coffee.

Of course you’ll probably be gored by one of his or her tusks by then, but at least you’ll have the last laugh.

I was hoping for something like “Hi. I was going to gore you with my tusks, but this coffee is SO GOOD!”

 

Two – How do you take your tea, one lump or two?

I don’t especially care for lumpy tea unless it’s that Thai bubble tea with the little lumps of tapioca, in which case

it would be exactly eighteen lumps. 

 

Whatever – How do you take your camels, one hump or two?

This part is especially interesting to me, because my imagination

is suddenly transported to a place where there are elephants (who

hopefully aren’t too critical about their coffee) Thai bubble tea

and now camels. I’m either in central Asia or at a zoo. If it’s

Something-istan, I would probably be rude to be picky about the

extent of the lumpiness of any camel that’s been graciously

offered to me.  If it’s a zoo, I’d like a smooth camel, please. 

Eighteen – Don’t listen to El Honko. He makes jammies dammit and everybody knows it, except him of

course. Whatever.

Listening to El Honko is one of the most enjoyable things I get to do, so I’ll have to take this advice advisedly.

  I think that if we talk about it enough, he’ll eventually bring out the gift bags with jammies for all of us, plus

free elephant and camel rides for the kiddies.

I can sense that his resisitence is weakening even as we speak.

And the secret answer to Question Number 18.00602 is that in between clinic sessions we tend to get a little

bored and have to make up crazy stuff to email back and forth.

I hope this clears up any confusion, or confuses any clarifications or whatever it takes.

 

 

Paco de Buena Vista

(whatever)’s 18.00602 questions answered by

Bob, Former Answer Man

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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